Dr. Keesha Ewers 00:00 What you really want is to bring whatever is in the subconscious out into the conscious. I talk about it as opening the closet door. And to me this is one of the biggest roles forgiveness plays. I call the precursor exercise, The Mirror Work before forgiveness occurs.
00:18 This is the exercise I give to people: Take a piece of paper, write down all the people in your whole life that I’ve ever hurt you… can take a long time. Took me a year to do this fully. Then next to their names, write down the ego traits that bother you about them. OK, and then what you’re doing is you’re going and you’re seeing how you do those different ego traits. Every time you look at a person that’s hurt you and you look at those ego traits in yourself, you’re opening a closet door and you’re flipping on a light.
00:47 You’re bringing something from the subconscious mind into the conscious mind. You’re able to now look at it. When it lies in the subconscious that can drive you and so you can have a four year old driving the bus of your life and you don’t even know that’s what’s going on. When you get into conflict with a partner, with business partner or a romantic partner or one of your children, are you an adult? Are you using skillful communication or are you four years old to the last time or the very first time you felt that particular emotion? No good comes from two, 4 -year olds in a sandbox throwing sand at each other. So that subconscious stuff is driving you and whenever you’re in that space, you’re not going to be happy.
01:30 So autoimmunity is huge because that cortisol that’s released when you go into fight or flight breaks down the gut wall. And I wrote a book called Solving the Autoimmune Puzzle and one of the things I say in that is that there are four root causes, not just three for auto immune disease. And we’re often told that it’s leaky gut, toxic exposure and genetics. And those are the three that the missing piece to that puzzle is the old adverse childhood experiences, past trauma. Because that plays such an important factor and that is what the aces study showed and the hurt study that I did. I think we can’t forget that you know, because I brought this, our brains, the frontal part, the pre frontal cortex that’s not even fully developed until we’re 26 years old.
02:13 So when we’re small and we have an event happened to us and it doesn’t have to be sexual abuse, it can be failing your first test, not getting to the top of the rope and the presidential challenge, you know, tripping in front of the cute boy or cute girl on the lunch room. Any of those things, not getting picked for a sporting event. This part up here is not fully developed yet. So we’re going to make up a meaning about that event that is about us because his children were self centered. We’re supposed to be. We’re trying to figure out how to be human on planet earth with other humans. So we always make it be about us.
02:48 So it’ll be stuff like, I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not fast enough, I have to be perfect. I’m not going to survive. This world is not safe. All of those things then create beleifs that are imprinted and then we carry those into adulthood and then they run us. Unless we do something about after we’re 26. That’s the great news. And I love knowing that you know, that our brains have this amazing neuroplasticity that we can go back and reexamine those childhood beliefs and meanings because they’ve created behaviors. Whatever you put on the end of your fork is actually linked to what you decided as a kid. You know what you do for your free time, how you operate in conflict. All that stuff got started when you were a kid. Until you go back and really examine it.